


A Sherlock Medley

by TeddyTR



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-22
Updated: 2011-03-22
Packaged: 2017-11-28 04:56:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/670505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeddyTR/pseuds/TeddyTR
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Warning, this is a crack fic! Not one story, but many little pieces of madness.<br/>Teaser: "Sherlock, I have to study in pink." "Mmm, that sounds tasty."<br/>Contains slash!</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Sherlock Medley

LABELS

***

Hurt/Comfort

***

"Sherlock, I'm hurt."

"Oh. I comfort you."

…

"Aah, that's better."

***

"Sherlock, it hurts."

"Oh, well, I'm sorry."

"Come on, don't be such a sociopath! Do something!"

"What? Should I sit beside you, stroke your hair and whisper sweet words into your ears?"

"… That would be nice, thanks."

***

"John, I'm hurt!"

"No, you're not."

"Yes, I am! Treat me!"

"Sherlock, you cut your finger with paper."

"… But it's bleeding!"

"God, help me…"

***

Angst

***

"Bored, bored, bored, bored…"

"THAT'S IT! You're a dick, Sherlock! And you didn't even buy milk! I'M LEAVING! BYE!"

"… Angst, angst, angst, angst…"

***

Romance

***

"John, you are my world."

"Sherlock, you are my… medicine for PTSD."

***

jealous!Sherlock

***

"Sarah is a bitch."

"She's nice."

"She's a troll. But I'm handsome."

"You are."

"And I'm clever."

"True."

"Then sleep with me?"

/shrug/ "Fine, I guess…"

***

jealous!John

***

"Irene is a bitch."

"Yes, she is."

"Oh… then why?"

"I don't get it either, ask Sir Arthur…"

****

Humor

***

"John, guess what! There's a head in the fridge!"

"… Sherlock, that was not a joke."

"Why?"

"People are supposed to laugh at jokes."

"But it's funny! Look at his face!"

/heavy sigh/

***

Pre-slash

***

"John."

"Yes?"

"I think something's wrong with me. I feel warm when you're around, I miss you when you're gone and it seems like I've grown a fetishism for jumpers. Not to mention the strange fantasies."

"Interesting, I'm experiencing something very similar."

"Curious…"

"Indeed… Tea?"

"Yes, thanks."

***

Slash

***

"John."

"Yes?"

"I love you."

"Now that explains a lot!"

***

The usual pattern of the 'After the Great Game' fics

***

"Sherlock!"

"John!"

"Mycroft?"

"Lestrade."

"Ambulance!"

/…/

"Sherlock."

"Lestrade. Moriarty."

"Moriarty?"

"John?"

/…/

"John!"

"Sherlock!"

/kissing/

"My God!"

"Mycroft?"

"Get out!"

***

Dialogue

***

"Sherlock."

"Yes?"

"Fuck you."

"Oh, may I?"

"Yes, please."

***

"Sherlock."

"Yes?"

"I love you."

"I know."

"I wanna have sex with you."

"I know."

"I wanna be on top."

"I… I don't know John, that's quite out of character."

"Prat."

***

MIX

In this part I used the original lines from the show, but it got mixed up a 'little'. ;)

***

"Sherlock, there's a fridge in the tea."

"Just head for me, thanks."

***

"Sherlock, there's a tea in the head."

"Just fridge for me, thanks."

***

"Sherlock, there's a solar system in my head."

"I don't care."

***

"Sherlock-"

"It's pink!"

"What?"

***

"Sherlock, there's a pink head in our obvious solar system."

"Wanna see more?"

***

"Sherlock, I have to study in pink."

"Mmm, that sounds tasty."

***

"Where is the phone?"

"Jacket… Wanna see more?"

"Oh, God, yes."

***

"Do you have a boyfriend, then?"

"Just tea for me, thanks."

***

"Fantastic!"

"Piss off."

***

"So since yesterday you moved in and now you're solving crimes together. Should we expect a happy announcement by the end of the week?"

"Obviously."

***

"People have died."

"People do little else."

***

"People might talk."

"That's what people DO!"

"No it's… fine."

"Oh, okay then…"

***

"Nothing happens to me."

"Nonsense."

***

"Where's the solar system?"

"Jacket."

"And the head?"

"Come on, don't be so obvious."

***

"What do people have then in real life?"

"Solar system? … Not good?"

"No."

***

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"Oh, God, yes."

"Any good?"

"Very good."

"I'm flattered…"

***

"Tea?"

"Just John for me, thanks."

***

You can COUNT on me

One word

***

"No."

"Please?"

"No!"

"But-"

"Sherlock!"

"Joooohn?"

"Stop!"

"Love?"

"Useless."

"Honey?"

"…"

"Cupcake?"

"…"

"Sweetie-"

"God!"

"Fine?"

"One."

"Okay!"

/kiss/

"Done?"

"No."

/kiiiiissssss/

"Hey!"

"Again!"

/…/

"Unbelievable."

"Victory."

/grin/

***

Three words

***

"I like pijamas."

"You look good."

"Not mine, yours."

"Oh… thank you."

"John, not there."

"But my bed-"

"Sleep with me."

"No, not again."

"We had fun."

"I need sleep."

"I need you."

"You are selfish."

"You like that."

/sigh/ "Yes, I do."

"Come, John, please?"

"No choice then."

"You never had."

"I know that."

"Now, let's sleep."

"You mean it?"

"You need rest."

"… I love you."

"Yeah, I know."

***

QUESTIONS

***

"Sherlock?"

"Yeah?"

"What are you doing?"

"Can't you see?"

"I can, but… what the hell?"

"Wanna join me?"

"You're not asking this seriously, are you?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"So you think it's totally okay to have a bath in your flatmate's bathroom and ask him to join you?"

"Erm, yes?"

"God, you're like this with everyone, aren't you?"

"You think I would ask Lestrade to have a bath with me?"

"Well, would you?"

"Come on, John, you're not this thick-headed, right?"

"You're suggesting?"

"I wanna share bath with you… please?"

"… This is not happening, right? Am I dreaming?"

"Do you usually have such dreams?"

"Like?"

"Me, naked in your bathroom?"

"Could you be more narcissistic?"

"I'm getting cold, could you please hurry up?"

"… Here, satisfied?"

"How could I not be?"


End file.
